Your silence speaks sharply
while echoing in the quiet
empty spaces where friendship
once used to exist.
Laughter and kindness bumped into each other
in this place
I thought I belonged
but maybe I was wrong.
I wonder – did you ever truly value me
at all?
I am still
the same person I was then.
Does cracking open the polished veneer
and giving you a vulnerable look at the tender
undo the respect
you once had for me?
I do not understand this distance,
like an unspoken sigh
long held back
has escaped your lips
while I hear what you don’t say
more than what you say.
It feels like judgement.
When your lips leak silence my heart bleeds tears.
I don’t need you to agree with me but please
I just want you to see me,
acknowledge the pain
that has ripped and remade me.
I don’t need you to validate me
or my journey because
that has already been done
by the only one that matters.
I myself love myself and can finally
embrace my story
and all the pain
and the glory.
So, no, I do not need you to affirm
my story
but please
acknowledge my vulnerability.
When your lips leak silence my heart bleeds tears.
You have seen my soul naked and bare,
the wrappings and trappings
ripped off as
I stood there alone
in my corner while
your silence held me there.
I felt the aloneness
more than you intended,
I am sure,
but I am not here to judge
your intent.
I am here so that you can hear a story
that is deeper than myself and
wider than all of humanity.
When your lips leak silence my heart bleeds tears.
Your silence renders me invisible
in the circle of all
who are like you.
I wonder why you hold so tight
to a circle of those
who are like you?
In a universe of unique
and breathtaking diversity where
not one snowflake is alike – so
why oh why
do you clutch your molds
and cookie cutters
and push them into the hearts
of the vulnerable?
I won’t let you mold
my heart into
the perfectly shaped thing
you want it to be
because I will be me.
Even when your silence feels like judgment
I know my heart and my story
and the journey it has taken me
to get to this place.
I know my value and hold it close while
I close my eyes and sway to the tune
of an ancient melody
you may not hear.
I hold my worth with one hand to my heart
while with the other I hold back
the flow of silence and
I listen to what is worth hearing
instead.
I turn my face towards the
sound of love
for a vulnerable heart
is keenly tuned
to this sound that those speaking judgement
will never hear.
There is a space
in a new place
for me
where love and kindness
bump into each other.
Where scars are tenderly kissed and
honor is given
to the story long held back.
Here the tears can flow and its okay to show
all that I once held secret behind those closed doors.
Authenticity is the new beautiful here
in this gorgeous space where
masks and molds are left at the door
and my soul is finally seen for what it is.
When your lips leak silence my heart bleeds tears.
Yet your silence no longer
holds me in place.
The breeze has whispered
and blows soft
on wings that are ready.
We rise and we fly
the vulnerable and I.
Click on the button above to send me an email and I will let you know when new posts are up! If you or someone you love is in the closet, or if you are struggling with your own guttural grief and need someone to talk to, email me. I may not have time to answer you but I will read it and hold you in my heart.