Perhaps the most beautiful thing that comes from having your life completely shattered is the chance to rebuild. Weaving together people and places, values and practices, with deep intention. In many ways, I feel like I have truly been born again. At 50, I’ve been given a chance to create something I was not ready to create all those decades ago when I thought I had all the answers.

The gift of starting over was not always seen as a gift. Nor has it been easy. But after the ashes settled and the tears dried, I came to realize that there is something incredibly beautiful and powerful about choosing the life you want. Crafting it with deep intention. I’ve come to realize how powerful the mind is. And how much I have limited myself in the past. By defining my worth based on the reality I perceived rather than defining my reality by the things I know deep within my psyche.

you can do hard things

When my kids were younger and would come to me, complaining about something difficult in their lives – usually some task I had asked them to do that they did not want to do – I would agree with them. Yes, it’s hard. But then I would remind them of this. You can do hard things.

You see, the things we tell ourselves are powerful. And with our beliefs and our words, we can either put obstacles in our own path. Or we can clear the path for ourselves. Or create a new path around the obstacles. For better or worse, our words and beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

For example, if I tell myself something is going to be hard, it will most certainly be hard. But if I change the narrative and remind myself that I can do hard things, I am much better equipped to face the challenge head on and emerge feeling better about myself than before.

keeping it real

One area where this is currently showing up in my life is on the dating apps. So yes, to all of you who have been wondering, I am putting myself out there again. And I can affirm that every time I have complained that the dating apps suck, they suck even more. On the other hand, when I have truly believed in my own worth, some pretty interesting things tend to unfold.

While I’m sure you would love to know all the juicy details, for now I will tell you that I am learning a lot. And having fun in the process. I may or may not meet the man of my dreams on an app. But one thing I know for sure is that every conversation I have. Every person I meet up with. Is all a part of a beautiful exchange that is teaching me so much. About myself. About the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Giving me a chance to practice speaking up for myself. Setting boundaries. Stepping even more fully into my power.

Oh I’m collecting some pretty good stories along the way and perhaps one day I will regale you with them. I’ve also had my heart broken and felt old wounds ripped open again. But I’m standing taller than ever before. Because I know myself even better than I did before these stories unfolded in my life.

I met myself in 2023. And it was glorious. Life changing. And I am done giving my heart away for crumbs of affection. I’m holding out for the whole damn feast. There are no failed relationships. Only stepping stones to a better one.

unleash your power

So is it hard putting yourself out there again at 50? Hell yeah. But I can do hard things, and so can you. It’s scary, but that means I get to practice being brave. It’s also fun, beautiful, and empowering. And I get to meet so many interesting humans.

For those of you who find yourself in a situation that you know is not right for you, but you are too scared to leave, let me remind you of this. Darling, you can do hard things. Life is too short to survive on crumbs when you could have a feast. And you have all that it takes to get yourself out of your stuck place. The resources for that glorious feast are all around you. Break out of the prison you’ve let yourself be trapped in, for the key is already in your hand. Unclench your fists and breath in the love that has never and will never let you go.

Then live. Like never before. With intention. Clarity. Purpose. Unleash the power of your mind by believing in your worth. Never settle for crumbs when there is an entire feast waiting for you. Believe.

Want to hear more? You can also find me on Instagram @maritajmiller and Facebook Beyond The Cocoon. Drop me a line if you want to be added to my email list.